August 22, 2008

Thinking is one of those stressful things I’ve ever come across and not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy… I think I should try and read more books and learn some new words. My sister used to read the dictionary. Im going to start with that, I’d like to travel. I want to see India and the pyramids a whale and that race with all the bicycles in France… I’m not sure about rivers, they scare me but I love swimming, I’m good at it and when I swim I think about numbers and count the laps, this helps me relax. When I was younger I saw a house burnt down and I walked past it everyday for the next six years derelict, black, chalky and dangerous I wondered if squatters lived there. I’m still not sure but I know there were never any parties cuz it was a shit hole. After a while the council came around to tidying out the town Making it less offensive here and there… They said it was an eyesore so they tore it down. Behind the house was a wall, with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word ‘CUNT’ written on it in giant letters And now I walk past that. I like sitting in the park by the water and I like taking walks to 23rd ‘n’ Captain Morgan down by the FDR too. I like taking my friends there… and I like being alone – I like flowers and simplicity I like compassion and thoughtful gifts – I like being able to shout But I wish I could be quiet When I’m quiet people think I’m sad and usually I am. Sometimes when I’m at a busy train station! Somewhere big with the noisy fat trains like Grand Central Terminal! I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out because I’ve got something to say! Don’t you want to share the guilt? Don’t think, just try and sleep…

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